Articles, Art & Lessons Learned
Clean easy to read layouts. Quotes, easy digestible information. These tend to be the basic layout of many self help articles. Heck, it’ll probably be the layout of this article.
I’ve read a few self help articles and though I’ve appreciated them and have taken some tips and tricks nothing really sets me on a new train of thought like being exposed to something in the right place at the right time.
I’ve read a few articles on boundaries and navigating toxic abusive relationships, but until I saw Steven Universe, (an amazing show that was on cartoon network,) until I fell in love with the characters, established a bond with Steven, (the main protagonist,) and saw myself in him, well only then was I in the space to receive the messages.
Only then, in seeing the messiness, the heartache, the humor and how navigating those relationships and healing is anything but linear was I able to fully understand the advice of articles that I had read on similar subject matter.
The truth for me is that articles tend to be a little too neat a little too clean in how information is delivered. And well, they have to be. Their mission is to deliver information in an easy to digest way as they compete with all the million and one things striving to get your attention.
I looked up a few articles on how to navigate my anger, (something that I have struggled with many times,) and I read a lot of helpful articles, articles where a lot of the information stayed in my head. But it wasn’t until I read, “The Only And Only Ivan,” where this following quote solidified what I needed to hear.
“Anger is precious. A silverback uses his anger to maintain order and warn his troop of danger. When my father beat his chest, it was to say, Beware, listen, I am in charge. I am angry to protect you, because that is what I was born to do.”
It took the imagery of a silverback gorilla locked in a cage for me to reconcile my feelings of anger. Anger serves a purpose. It is used to defend and protect. My methods of expressing my anger needed tweaking and correction but they came from a good place. The place of self preservation and self love.
It’s not just being taught these lessons from lovely books or comforting tv shows, you also have to be in the space to receive the message.
Let me say that again, you have to be in the space to receive the message.
Take for example the movie “Good Will Hunting.” Which as per Wikipedia is a movie, “Written by Affleck and Damon, the film follows 20-year-old South Boston janitor Will Hunting, an unrecognized genius who, as part of a deferred prosecution agreement after assaulting a police officer, becomes a client of a therapist and studies advanced mathematics with a renowned professor. Through his therapy sessions, Will re-evaluates his relationships with his best friend, his girlfriend, and himself, facing the significant task of confronting his past and thinking about his future.”
I saw “Good Will Hunting,” as a teenager playing hooky from school. I thought it was a good movie but didn’t think much of it. It wasn’t until I was an adult, after having been in therapy for a few years and having faced my own trauma, did I see the brilliance in the acting and writing of the movie.
There are two favorite scenes of mine from the movie. The first is after they’ve discovered Will Hunting’s brilliance and set him up with therapists to help combat his self sabotaging ways. After Will has caused a few therapists to leave they call in a favor to (the incomparable,) Robin William’s character Sean Maguire, a therapist who’s also from south Boston.
In their first meeting Will Hunting’s walls go all the way up and he sizes himself up against Sean. Will tries to challenge Sean’s intellect but they are equal and Sean can hold his own, rebutting with theories and other books. It then moves on to physical where Sean states he can bench 285 lbs. When he asks Will how much can he bench, he ignores the question having been bested. Will then sees a painting Sean made and insults his skills. Sean uses humor to deflect the situation. It isn’t until Will states, “Maybe you married the wrong woman,” that the achilles heel in Sean’s armor is exposed. Will smiles having located it, and shoots the poisoned arrow, asking if Sean’s wife slept with another man.
Sean, carefully and slowly takes his glasses off, (you can’t help but miss Robin Williams immensely because his talent is just a joy to behold,) and wraps his hand around Will’s neck and let’s him know, “Disrespect my wife again and I will end you chief, got that.” Will chose violence and he had to see Sean’s still a southie. Professor Gerald, who is organizing the therapy for Will walks in to Sean’s office and says I understand, but Sean says bring him back, make sure he’s here.
Oh but the next scene, Sean’s rebuttal solidifies the movie. In a serene park, he says this to Will.
“Sean: [sitting on a bench in in front of a pond in park] Thought about what you said to me the other day, about my painting. Stayed up half the night thinking about it. Something occurred to me… fell into a deep peaceful sleep, and haven’t thought about you since. Do you know what occurred to me?
Will: No.
Sean: You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talkin’ about.
Will: Why thank you.
Sean: It’s all right. You’ve never been out of Boston.
Will: Nope.
Sean: So if I asked you about art, you’d probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life’s work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I’ll bet you can’t tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You’ve never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you’d probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can’t tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You’re a tough kid. And I’d ask you about war, you’d probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, “once more unto the breach dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one. You’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I’d ask you about love, you’d probably quote me a sonnet. But you’ve never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn’t know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms “visiting hours” don’t apply to you. You don’t know about real loss, ’cause it only occurs when you’ve loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you’ve ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you… I don’t see an intelligent, confident man… I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you’re a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart. You’re an orphan right? [Will nods] Sean: You think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I read Oliver Twist? Does that encapsulate you? Personally… I don’t give a shit about all that, because you know what, I can’t learn anything from you, I can’t read in some fuckin’ book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are. Then I’m fascinated. I’m in. But you don’t want to do that do you sport? You’re terrified of what you might say. Your move, chief.”
The play by play doesn’t do justice to Robin William’s delivery. To his subtle head tilts, his facial expressions, if you can look them up, the scenes are available on YouTube and worth the watch.
And look, I can’t compare myself to Will’s levels of genius but I know what it’s like to be a cocky young adult scared of what’s going on in their head, challenging people who are trying to help. I’ve had my own therapist call me on my crap and not let me fall on the “pity pot.”
I was in the space and moment of my life where I could see all the movie had to offer. I saw moments and feelings of my own life reflected on screen. And I saw this movie when I was dealing with my own fear of life. Where Robin William’s words on how life is to be experienced acted as a balm for certain parts of my soul.
So what’s the point of this long winded article. That articles and self help essays don’t matter? That “Steven Universe”, “The One And Only Ivan”, and “Good Will Hunting” are lovely works of art?
Well, no, I think articles have value and can help. And yes, clearly, haven’t you been reading?
Read articles, research self help on topics that are plaguing you. But also read books, see movies, expose yourself to things that are outside what you’d normally enjoy. Because lessons learned, wisdom, and help can come from anywhere and anything.
